Twilight: It used to be a harmless word describing that time between dawn and sunrise or sunset and dusk. Now if you're looking for a definition you have to wade through countless sites dedicated to Stephenie Meyer's book series and the films that followed.
The word 'Twilight' now has the ability to either band together masses of girls and mothers, or send sane film and book lovers running in the other direction.
I am no longer a young girl, not yet a mother, but certainly not sane because last night I went and saw the latest installment of the Twilight films Breaking Dawn: Part One.
My friends and I started a tradition of sorts whereby we partake in the sport of drinking many alcoholic beverages before watching the film each year. So far I have not been to see these movies sober, to do so would be a risk to my health. So last night my friend and I held true to our tradition and enjoyed a bottle of wine followed by vodka (thus the headache). We sat in the theatre and awaited the start of the fourth film with the lowest expectations known to man.
The film starts off with the wedding, an elaborate outdoor shindig filmed here in beautiful Vancouver. My friend and I really enjoyed this part because a friend of ours was actually an extra in this scene. The wedding part seemed to go on longer than necessary, there was some dancing, a cake, vampires, humans, werewolves, you know, the usual suspects at your friendly local wedding.
Finally Bella and Edward depart on their honeymoon. They are in Rio de Janeiro for about 5 seconds, I think there was a street party and dancing may have been involved. Then they're on a boat and off to Isle Esmee. Once there Bella starts to panic at the thought of losing her virginity to her vampire husband. She actually sits in a crouched position on the bathroom floor for a moment. Finally she makes her way outside where her exceptionally pasty husband wades in the water.
The next morning Edward is brooding because Bella has bruises on her arm. Yes, he bruised her during sex. This is in the books too, books that are read by young girls. I can't think of a worse way to describe the losing of one's virginity to young girls. Sex with the person you love = violence. But Edward being the good man he is simply refuses to have sex with his wife anymore, preferring instead to play chess, and go hiking in the hopes that she'll simply be too tired and will go to sleep. Now this is where we can tell the writers have truly lost it. Any woman will tell you that we wait at least 6 months after marriage before we pull the "I'm too tired" line. Poor Bella flaunts herself in skimpy outfits in hopes of getting his attention. In the end she realises that all it takes is a little emotional manipulation, some crying and feelings of inadequacy. So to recap: Losing your virginity = violence, and sex = emotional manipulation.
It only gets better though. On their honeymoon Bella starts to feel sick and lo and behold realises that she is pregnant. I have yet to understand how a dead thing such as a vampire can procreate, but this is just semantics isn't it. Unfortunately Edward is not happy about this, and who can blame him. He finally agrees to have sex with his wife and she gets pregnant. Worse. Honeymoon. Ever.
The rest of the film focusses solely on Bella's pregnancy which makes her weak and thin and brings her to the brink of death, you know, your standard pregnancy. Of course then Edward reads Jacobs mind who has come up with quite an intelligent thought. Bella needs blood. Cue a blood bag and a straw and voila you have what every doctor recommends pregnant women drink in the third trimester. Turns out that baby likes blood and so does Bella. This is perfect because Bella wants to be turned into a vampire and that means lotsa blood for breakfast, lunch and tea.
And that's it, seriously, that's the film. Bella marries Edward, Bella loses virginity to Edward, Bella gets pregnant by Edward. I mean, it's compelling right. I'm surprised a legendary actor like Ben Kingsley didn't ask for a role. In hindsight it would have made a vast improvement if he had. I really don't recall watching a movie with such a lack of plot before. This is what happens when you try to turn one book into two films. You see this is ok if the book is well written, such as Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows, or Tolkein's The Hobbit. Breaking Dawn should have stayed as one film, like a bullet to the head, get it over quickly. Sadly that's not the case. There's a part two.
Have you seen the film? Are you a twihard and want to reprimand me for my opinion? I would love to hear all sides of the argument. Let's start an argument about Twilight, because there's nothing else going on in the world right now that needs our attention.
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